hhhh yes, “kill yourself”, the two most satiating words in the English language. I feel sated having said it to myself just now. Wait, let me say it again….”kill yourself”. Good lord that’s so nice, I love the way the words roll around in my mouth. It’s shocking that more people don’t chant this as the mantra of their every day life. What better way to put everything into perspective, what better way to wake up feeling nice and sunny, than by chanting a fat “kill yourself” every day? It’s so soothing; it’s like balm for the soul.

Oh….I’m sorry, I didn’t see you there. I’m a terrible host; I get lost in my reveries sometimes. You probably didn’t come here to hear me talking to myself; no instead, you saw a fat “KILL YOURSELF”, and let me guess….you were either somewhat pissed off, or intrigued, or bemused, or totally apathetic like the standard cheetos-grubbing porn-addicted internet user, or some combination of all that…and you probably decided “All right, let’s just see what this nonsense is about.” But whatever the case is, we’re here now, and we have business to discuss. So let’s get down to it, shall we?

k look, I know you think you’re a saint, but….you’re not. Not even close. Deep down, you’re scum, complete street-grease, base and vile, uncompromising in the amount of evil you could unleash upon this world. I’m sorry, I don’t care if that offends you or makes you want to close your browser immediately….I don’t care if a little bile just squirted into your mouth, it’s a true statement. You pouting about it and trying to defend yourself (good god, bile just squirted into my mouth; you trying to defend yourself, especially about this) isn’t going to change a damn thing. You are what you are no matter how you try to sugar-coat your personality….for the world and for yourself. Please….allow me to break this down for you; allow me to rip out that beating, blackened part of your soul that’s too disgusting for you to acknowledge, a grotesquerie the likes of which nature could never produce. It’s something akin to how you never want to look down after you’ve dropped the cosby kids off at the pool; you want to flush and get as far away as possible from that nauseating excrement you just produced. Allow me to do that; allow me to reach deep inside, seize upon the dregs of your heart, and punch you in the face with them….and look I’m not even going to lie to you: I’m going to enjoy this.