I cannot stand MSNBC. I cannot stand Fox news. I cannot stand republicans, democrats, liberals, conservatives, libertarians, anyone with a concrete and unbending point of view and anyone who thinks they know what the “correct answer” is to a complicated issue. If complicated issues like, oh, say, fixing the economy were simple enough for your dumb ass to figure out, then what would be the problem? Ask a joe jackass pickup-truck driving hayseed-chewing banjo-playing southern drawl idiot how to fix the economy and he’ll happily say “Cut taxes!!!!! Cut spending!!!!! Tell Obama to stop killing jobs!!!!!!” I mean I am always just left scratching my head; is it just me or is not painfully obvious how stupid this joe jackass is? You know, sadly….I think it might just be me. Because honestly, liberal and conservative pundits are really just a refined version of Joe Jackass. They have bigger vocabularies and more facts at their disposal, and they can speak and debate at great length (it’s their occupation for christ’s sake), but what it boils down to is that they have the solution. Liberals say now is the worst time to cut spending; instead we should increase spending until the economy finds its footing and we should tax the wealthy. Conservatives say stop burdening the job creators with onerous regulations, shrink government and cut taxes for the wealthy. I once read a comment from a random user on a random blog that just perfectly summed this up: “It never ceases to amaze me how one man’s healing elixir can be another man’s witch’s brew.” That’s exactly what we have here; we have groups of people with diametrically opposed views on how to solve problems, and they are set in their ways. They absolutely know that they are right and the other side is wrong. And they operate with strong confirmation biases, i.e. they favor facts that support their already formed opinions and they dismiss facts that contradict them. In the end, their answers are just verbose versions of Joe Jackass’s: absolute and in no need of qualification. These motherfu….these coc….these goddamn IDIOTS need to understand two things: one, if you’re a random joe jackass internet troll, then fine; you can say whatever you want because it doesn’t matter. Get into as many flame wars as you need, hang out with your cronies and jerk each other off because no one cares. But if you’re a “pundit” or a serious journalist, then you should at least try to discover the truth before commenting on an issue. I’m not saying there shouldn’t be editorial-style news like Fox & MSNBC; that’s fine. I’m simply saying discover the real facts and don’t spin them in order to produce a story that fits your pre-existing narrative. Which is all that these people do; MSNBC has become absolutely shameless about it. They’ve usurped Fox and taken 1st place as the most ideological “news” outfit. Don’t believe me? Their new slogan is “Lean forward” and they gave Al Sharpton his own show. ‘Nuff said. At least Fox tries to pretend; they call themselves “Fair and balanced”. MSNBC is now not even doing that; they’re going out of their way to show that they are most definitely NOT fair and balanced.
So anyways, that’s the first thing these pundit schmoes need to understand. The second thing they need to understand is that even if they could uncover all the facts and look at them with clear, unbiased minds….THEY STILL WOULDN’T HAVE THE ANSWER!!! If you ask a Sean Hannity, or an Ann Coulter, or a Glenn Beck, or a Rush Limbaugh, or an Al Sharpton, or a Rachel Maddow, or a Lawrence O’Donnell, any question that is even marginally related politics, they simply have the answer, case closed. The economy? They know how to fix it. Terrorism? They have the solution. Global warming? Easy, it doesn’t exist, or kill all republicans and let corporations burn to the ground. The new muppets movie? It had a liberal twist; don’t let your children watch it. Government itself? Spawned from the bowels of hell, or the savior of the downtrodden (i.e. crack-whores). I mean let’s be real here for a minute folks: if you dropped a Hannity or a Sharpton into, I don’t know, say Tim Geithner’s position, or Ben Bernanke’s, do you think they would have the slightest clue what to do? Are they economists? Have they done dissertations on these unbelievably complex issues; have they studied the great depression in depth, do they know the pitfalls and selling points of various monetary policies, would they be able to wrap their minds around the global interplay of factors that determine how an economy functions etc. etc.? They absolutely could not, and yet they speak with fervent certitude when spouting off on these incredibly complex issues. It makes me sick to my stomach; just the sheer balls on these people to have so much confidence that they can look into a camera and bestow their holy gospel onto the unwashed masses, night after night, feverishly trying to push their own agenda and being disgusted by any opposing views, I mean….what is wrong with this world?? Why does this kind of stuff fly? It always goes back to what I say: people are idiots. If there was no market for this kind of drivel, it wouldn’t sell. But unfortunately, there is a HUGE market for this.
One last point: principles. I absolutely cannot stand “principles”. People think that if you live by a code, a strict set of principles, you are strong and unwavering. OH MY HOLY GOD. NO. No you nitwits, no no no. If you live by principles then you are a simpleton of the highest order because….and listen to me carefully when I say this….if you live by principles, then you are absolving yourself from having to think critically. Finding a solution to any problem is the easiest thing in the world when you’re “principled”; you simply pick the (insert ideology here) solution. Done, case closed. Anyone that disagrees with you is an idiot. Who wants to deal with complicated and messy nuance? That would spoil your narrative and make you actually have to look at facts, take into account factors that are peculiar to each individual situation, balance pros and cons, balance risks and rewards, ultimately try to formulate an informed opinion, and understand that even still, you might not, you just might not have the right answer. Principled people? They never have to worry about those niceties. They have their conservative or liberal answer; they are simply right. I mean think about, say, energy policy. What Obama says on this sounds pretty damn reasonable: you can’t just cut off oil/coal etc.; those sources are going to be needed and they’re going to be needed to be grown in the interim. But obviously, long-term….they won’t work. Uhhh….oil will run out, so obviously it won’t always work? How could an obvious shizza statement like that cause so many problems? No, partisans on both sides bitterly eschew this approach. And that seems like a relatively simple problem to analyze; again, with something as large and complicated as the economy, how in the world could you possibly adhere to a rigid ideological point of view? How could you possibly not see that no person in the history of the earth has ever “figured out the economy”, and that at best you, as a non-economist, can only make severely under-educated guesses as to what course of action should be pursued? And that it’s not only possible but likely that you’ll turn out to be wrong anyway? You know I said “pundits” and ideologues are the biggest nitwits around for a reason: dumb people a lot of the times can at least recognize they’re dumb. Partisans think they’re the geniuses of the world. God’s gift to any confused individual; just ask a partisan and they have the answer. No matter the topic; they’ll give you a bitterly ideological answer before you’re even done asking your question. I can’t wait for them to start trying to solve quantum physics problems; liberals will say the higgs-boson?? Are you kidding me??? Let’s keep physics secular; leave god out of this. And conservatives will say the higgs-boson, are you kidding me?? Anyone that denies the existence of the higgs-boson should be burned at the stake.
1/19/2012 – Christ
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